Beringer White Zinfandel.
Is it possible for white wine to get worse as it gets colder? Ask yourself this as you chill this white devil known as the “world’s most popular wine.” For reasons I will not elaborate on -- suffice to say it involves a limited amount of time, a friend beleaguered by a wig-wearing, wedge sandal-walking cleaning lady (unfortunately, not my Kool-aid to blog about), and non-chilled White Zinfandel -- we ended up drinking this wine on ice. Mysteriously, as it went from room temperature to polar, I experienced equal parts warm, sour strawberry cider and chilled monkey piss* from this wine.
How, might I ask, can this bitter drink be considered so wonderful by so many? It is much better warm because there is nothing to it. A tinge of vinegar bleeds out to nothing on my palate. More accustomed to jammy, spicy, and chocolatey Shiraz, my tongue was thoroughly and unabashedly insulted. (No, I don't have cellar palate! But thank you for assuming!) There is no depth to this wine that so many applaud. I will admit to faint (very faint) notes of freshly picked strawberry, which I’m sure draws many people, as does the price - $5.99 at Cost Plus World Market. Most people can’t afford to drink $50, $30, or even $15 bottles of wine every day and I am certainly not a wine snob who turns up my nose at a decent $10 bottle. But this wine? Drinking vinegar is better than what it tasted like cold. I would sooner not drink wine, than drink something that tastes like chilled monkey piss.* Wouldn't you?
Chilled, Beringer White Zinfandel only gets worse. The flavors became more complex, but they aren’t good flavors! Is it ever a positive thing when you actually gag while quaffing a vintage – let alone start to chug it just to end the misery quickly? Green and nasty is the only way I can describe it. This wine (freshly opened) reminded me of a recent, most unfortunate incident at Colton’s Woodfire Grill involving a by-the-glass (I know! I know…. Lesson learned!) Cline Ancient Vines Zinfandel 2006 that had, quite obviously, been open for more than a day or two and tasted as though someone had sent it around the bar and/or kitchen to be repeatedly spat in by people sucking on cocktail onions. (They probably spat on my steak instead when I sent the wine back.)
The old and stale Cline tasted better (by a very narrow margin) than White Zinfandel does to me. Granted, due to time restrictions, we were only able to try the Beringer, so I am left to pick up another bottle or two of different brands and give WZ one more shot.
Oh, goody! :( In the meantime, I tried “Tears of Dew” by Eos – it is lovely! A dessert Moscato with rich, ripe fruit flavors and a velvety mouth feel, it would be marvelous with cool summer desserts!
* Sadly not my descriptor. This was the opinion of a much more learned, experienced, and sophisticated wine drinker than me. Additionally, while I’ve never tried monkey piss (Thank God!), my imagination and gag reflex agree that it is a most affective comparison, if not an aesthetically pleasing one. If I offend, I apologize, but it is no worse than David Rosengarten describing Sauvignon Blanc as cat piss-like, which still bothers me. A lot.
