I swear I will never do it again. Part I
Beringer White Zinfandel.
Is it possible for white wine to get worse as it gets colder? Ask yourself this as you chill this white devil known as the “world’s most popular wine.” For reasons I will not elaborate on -- suffice to say it involves a limited amount of time, a friend beleaguered by a wig-wearing, wedge sandal-walking cleaning lady (unfortunately, not my Kool-aid to blog about), and non-chilled White Zinfandel -- we ended up drinking this wine on ice. Mysteriously, as it went from room temperature to polar, I experienced equal parts warm, sour strawberry cider and chilled monkey piss* from this wine.
How, might I ask, can this bitter drink be considered so wonderful by so many? It is much better warm because there is nothing to it. A tinge of vinegar bleeds out to nothing on my palate. More accustomed to jammy, spicy, and chocolatey Shiraz, my tongue was thoroughly and unabashedly insulted. (No, I don't have cellar palate! But thank you for assuming!) There is no depth to this wine that so many applaud. I will admit to faint (very faint) notes of freshly picked strawberry, which I’m sure draws many people, as does the price - $5.99 at Cost Plus World Market. Most people can’t afford to drink $50, $30, or even $15 bottles of wine every day and I am certainly not a wine snob who turns up my nose at a decent $10 bottle. But this wine? Drinking vinegar is better than what it tasted like cold. I would sooner not drink wine, than drink something that tastes like chilled monkey piss.* Wouldn't you?
Chilled, Beringer White Zinfandel only gets worse. The flavors became more complex, but they aren’t good flavors! Is it ever a positive thing when you actually gag while quaffing a vintage – let alone start to chug it just to end the misery quickly? Green and nasty is the only way I can describe it. This wine (freshly opened) reminded me of a recent, most unfortunate incident at Colton’s Woodfire Grill involving a by-the-glass (I know! I know…. Lesson learned!) Cline Ancient Vines Zinfandel 2006 that had, quite obviously, been open for more than a day or two and tasted as though someone had sent it around the bar and/or kitchen to be repeatedly spat in by people sucking on cocktail onions. (They probably spat on my steak instead when I sent the wine back.)
The old and stale Cline tasted better (by a very narrow margin) than White Zinfandel does to me. Granted, due to time restrictions, we were only able to try the Beringer, so I am left to pick up another bottle or two of different brands and give WZ one more shot.
Oh, goody! :( In the meantime, I tried “Tears of Dew” by Eos – it is lovely! A dessert Moscato with rich, ripe fruit flavors and a velvety mouth feel, it would be marvelous with cool summer desserts!
* Sadly not my descriptor. This was the opinion of a much more learned, experienced, and sophisticated wine drinker than me. Additionally, while I’ve never tried monkey piss (Thank God!), my imagination and gag reflex agree that it is a most affective comparison, if not an aesthetically pleasing one. If I offend, I apologize, but it is no worse than David Rosengarten describing Sauvignon Blanc as cat piss-like, which still bothers me. A lot.
Labels: experimental wine drinking


then the plastic must be applied from within the cellar. The most common method is to wrap the entire interior, leaving the plastic loose in the stud cavity so the insulation can be placed between each stud. All walls and ceiling must be wrapped in plastic for a complete vapor barrier.
the article proceeds to ridicule restaurants, friends, and acquaintances about the use of plastic, Styrofoam, stemless, tinted, heavy cut crystal, champagne, overly thick/thin, too big/small glasses.
encrusted chalice), would rather have the proper weight, color (clear), and would rather the glass have a bowl suited for the wine being consumed. Would George and Max Riedels glasses be at the top of my list? A resounding yes. And if I had just one glassware wish it would be that every restaurant stock one, good, large bowl, general purpose, wine glass rather than three horribly designed ones, so that my restaurant wine, which costs twice as much as it should, can at least have the hope of presenting itself on the table as a wine rather than a margarita. I would still rather have wine in a margarita glass than no wine at all.
until a visit to a friend's house for a tour of their wine cellar. This casual glass was the perfect container for the stellar wines that were poured and the wonderful easy going evening that followed, including some delivered pizza. But don't those stemless glasses warm the wine and aren't they hard to hold? Actually the glasses spent most of their time on the counter, so warming the wine was not a factor and the glasses also seemed to be easier to hold, especially after the third bottle. Causal, fun, and easygoing, I think Max Riedels stemless glasses exemplify the essence of wine enjoyment. 

mild dish) decided she wanted to open a Shiraz with earth moving tannins - a bottle of Two Hands Bad Impersonator fit the bill. Now, I know that wine is outstanding, Aimee sure was enjoying it, my father (Dennis) was enjoying it, but to me it tasted like colored water that smelled wonderful. No tannins, no flavor, nothing, just that wonderful aroma teasing me and reminding me what I was missing. Considering the near illegal hot sauce and Thai spice induced endorphin high I was currently experiencing, I was willing to try anything to seek the full enjoyment of this incredible wine. I tried everything, crackers, milk, raw sugar, vinegar, pickled ginger, and as a last resort, dark, then bittersweet chocolate (which was only mildly effective at rejuvenating my toasted tongue). I was simply out of luck for the next 24 hours until my endorphin high expired. Additionally every taste bud on my tongue was still writhing in pain from the food I had just consumed and even the worlds sweetest Riesling would not be able to come to my rescue. Luckily, most normal taste bud damage is repaired/re-grown in less than 24 hours and even if I had done some very serious taste bud damage, such as shaving my tongue, in only about two weeks everything would re-grown back to normal. Until then everything would taste a little bland,... waiter more hot sauce please.
parts of our bodies' nervous system. Pretty neat stuff indeed.
now and then you will hit a combination that is a mind blowing bad food and wine combination.
that is), storage of wine was historically held, very short term, within 
the entire foil), take the pointy worm and start it as closely to the center of the top of the cork as possible. Slowly twist the worm in. With practice you�ll know when to stop (so as not to pierce the bottom end of the cork and possibly force some of it into the bottle). Once you�re ready to pull the cork out, let the lever out so it can touch the lip of the bottle. Using your non-dominate hand, grasp the neck of the bottle with a firm baseball grip with part of your hand holding the "level" on the lip of the bottle (so it doesn�t chip the glass by slipping off). Firmly lift the other end of the corkscrew with your other hand, drawing out the cork. Piece o� cake. ...What? The cork did not budge... must have a really tight cork. To get above the bottle for a little more leverage, one of my tricks for those tight corks, is to place the bottle on the floor holding the bottle between my feet and use the some technique as above (make sure you are still holding the bottle with one hand and levering it open with the other). The other - other method for opening wine, which Aimee uses often, is to glare at the bottle and to firmly ask your spouse "are going to open that bottle or just stand there?"
The double winged lever design is another common corkscrew design found in households today. The first double lever can be traced to H.S. Heeley, who was granted a British patent on April 23, 1888. Heeley's corkscrew was called the A1 Heeley Double Lever; it used pivoting links to "gain an improvement in mechanical advantage to pull a cork".
